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Failing?

Recently I came face to face with a terrible truth. I am not doing well at my job. In all the other jobs in my life, I have never failed at doing the tasks given to me. My co-workers and my bosses have always spoken well of me and my performance. But in this job, I am failing. My work is below acceptable standards.

In the current economic times, it is hard to deal with the thought of losing a job. Losing a job because you cannot perform the duties for that job is worse. I have obligations that need to be filled. There are bills to be paid. So what do I do and where do I turn.

I prepared myself recently for being laid off. I thought it would be that morning, but it wasn’t. I prayed to God to help me to leave the job with dignity and a Christian witness. I asked for peace and strength to do what needed to be done. I decided on what I would say. As I arrived at work, I prayed again and said, Ok God, I will do whatever you ask of me this day. I will do my best for you are my God. I was at peace. And, I did not get laid off.

While I still have a job and I spend every day under the watchful eye of my superior trying my best to do the job set in front of me, I still feel as though any moment the job will be gone. So every day, I must ask God to go with me, to help me do each task and to live each moment of each day leaning totally on his grace and mercy. I try every day to do the tasks well. And I face each day knowing it may be my last and I may need to pack up my things and go.

When I mentioned these things to my family, I received an email from my brothers encouraging me. One brother mentioned “Its okay to try your best and find you are not able to do something.” He also said that he would pray that I would find a job that would be a better fit for me. Another brother told me that failing means you are learning something. He also said that God considers me valuable in the gifts he has given me and that he, my brother, loves me. I enjoy hearing from my family even though we live hundreds of miles from each other. And I appreciate their thoughts, prayers and emails.

I spent some time looking into the word fail in the bible. The word is used many times. People are cautioned not to fail in following God. People moan when they fail. People are released from their guilt when they admit their failures to God. And God does not fail. His words fail not. His loving kindness does not fail.

So, everyday, I will get up and start again. I will turn to God because his loving kindness and his faithfulness does not fail. He will not fail me. He will not allow my children to go hungry. I can trust him and follow him.

Lord, help me know the way to go today. Teach me what to do this day, for the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, shining more and brighter and clearer until it reaches full strength and glory in the perfect to be prepared day. Father, as I roll my works upon you, committing and trusting them wholly to you, I pray you will cause my thoughts to become agreeable with your will so that my plans may be established and have good success. For even though there are many plans in a man’s mind, I pray that it is your purpose for me that will stand. As I plan my ways, Lord, direct my steps and make them sure.

Lamentations 3: 19-24 I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember – the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left.

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