Wanna know a little secret about me? I don’t really enjoy Christmas anymore.

When the kids were younger, we would decorate the house. Then we would drag out all the Christmas music and start singing all those favorites, like “Walking in a Winter Wonderland”, “Silver Bells”, “All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth! ” We would make crafts, presents, do Christmas plays, read the Christmas story, and do almost all of it together.

And then, I got a retail job where Christmas means everyone has the same deadline, even if they order on the 20th of December. People can be appreciative, really, but most of the ones who call are upset. Christmas means we get three times busier than any other time of the year and we all work harder than ever to make all those presents happen for all those people, correctly and on time.

And, frankly, it’s really hard to think about “Silent Night” with angry people on the phone, or constant the push to get more done in less time to serve more people and avoid more angry phone calls. This is not what Christmas is about, or even what the world says it is about. This is mad chaos while people strive to give the “right” gift to those “certain” people so they won’t be snubbed or patronized yet another year.

But still, this year I have noticed myself humming various Christmas carols, songs I love that are meant to be sung with full throated volume even if slightly off key. Maybe it was the trip to Mexico and listening to a young boy sing a Christmas carol in Spanish, very off key and very loud, but very endearing. Or maybe it was the thrill of listening as another daughter sang the Hallelujah Chorus in a university choir. Or possibly? God really does love me and wants me to enjoy this Christmas season.

Maybe he wants me to slow down just a bit, okay, maybe late at night when I’d like to sleep, but slowing down! To stop and ponder the miracle of God in the Flesh. To think of my Savior being a young baby like my children once were. To remember God the Father’s love and the Son’s love and the lengths they would go to redeem my soul. All of this, so that I could have a personal relationship with God, the Father, the Son, and the Spirit.

So, this week, I am Becoming… I am reaching out to God to become more like him, to listen to him, to be with him. And even though things might look like they are falling apart, that I’m not accomplishing what I need to, that some prayers look like they aren’t being answered, at least when and how I want them to, even though, I will still rest in His unfailing love. Because He loves me and I rest in knowing he will answer my prayers.

Psalm 13: 5 and 6 The Message

I’ve thrown myself headlong into your arms—
I’m celebrating your rescue.
I’m singing at the top of my lungs,
I’m so full of answered prayers.

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