A Cluttered Heart

My house is a little cluttered at the moment. I am preparing for a wedding, but I can only clean one room a week. I don’t have enough trashcan space to clean more than one room a week.

Last weekend I spent 3 hours in my bedroom sorting things. I tossed a huge box and 4 large bags of stuff in the trash. I hadn’t really cleaned it since last April. I’ve been busy. Really. (I finally turned off the emails that prompt me to clean.)

But more than my house is cluttered. I went on my lunch walk – my attempt at losing weight – wondering why my head was so fuzzy. I finally figured it out. My head is all cluttered up.

It is cluttered with learning about all the new things I need to remember and do at my new job. Even after 3 months there I am still thrown by the whole new project that I am now learning. I have so many pieces of code and rules running around in my head.

My mind is cluttered with all the financial worries, for myself, for the wedding and for the continued expenses of three kids in college at once! And worries about the many older cars in the hopes that they won’t cost too much money over the next year.

It is cluttered with the worries over the logistics of life. I want to spend more time with my husband but I’m working extra hours and I’d like to continue working with the high school ministry at church and I enjoy being around to hang with my kids when they are available. And the ever-present housework that needs to get done. When do I do that?

My mind is cluttered with the usual worries over my children and their future mates, their decisions for everyday and careers and well, if you are a mother, you know. I also worry about my relationship with my husband and whether or not I am spending enough time with my parents and my in-laws. There isn’t that much time left with them.

While I was walking I wondered about my heart. Is my heart too cluttered? Am I so buried in the cares and worries of this life, the race to work in the morning and the need for rest in the evening, that I am not spending time with God? How am I dealing with all those worries and cares I mentioned above? My first reaction is to watch TV or read a good book. But what should I be doing?

Oh how I wish I could be like the toddler who races around and learns new things and sees new things but only if he can see his mommy and run back to touch her every few minutes. I want to be like that. I want to be always returning to God to touch him and know he is there and share things with him. I want to ask for his help in everything and know that I can do better with his help. I want to accept his leading and his guidance. I want to de-clutter my heart.

Matthew 13:20-21 “The seed cast in the gravel—this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.

22″The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard, and nothing comes of it.

Mark 4:18-19 “The seed cast in the weeds represents the ones who hear the kingdom news but are overwhelmed with worries about all the things they have to do and all the things they want to get. The stress strangles what they heard, and nothing comes of it.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

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